Stress and how to deal with it !
So I’m still recovering from last week’s move and I’m moving again tomorrow. Hopefully this move is set to be less stressful everyone involved is less uptight. Last week I had a major panic attack mid move it took a lot of breathing and some meditation to get it under control.
Even all my best efforts to get it under control didn’t seem to work, sometimes even our best efforts don’t work.
I now will suffer the effects of all the stress, I’m in pain and feeling stressed and panicked about everything.
I’m looking forward to my new home but at the same time I’m worrying about all the what if’s !
How do we stop worrying about the what if’s when we are worrying about everything.
How do we stop worrying when that’s all we seem to do !!!
Today I am moving!!!!
My anxity is through the roof and has been for the last week, I’m in pain, can’t sleep because of both these things coupled with the bouts of depression and not caring what’s happening.
During this packing and moving process I have felt like I’m not doing enough ( nobody is saying that and I’m sure they don’t think it ). I am still unable to use my arm properly since surgery in March, I may never be able to use it properly again. This on top of my chronic pain makes me feel like a burden not to mention the depression and panic attacks.
I know when this move is done i will have a flare up of all my symptoms but I can’t just stop and rest as we are working to a time scale. I now realise how important my rests each day are. I take time to myself to each day to either nap , watch something inspirational or do another meditation.
I am very aware how structuring my day and making sure that there is a balance of rest and activities keeps me in balance but sometimes life gets in the way of ours plans and all we can do is the best we can.
As I lay here trying to find the energy to get up (I’m in pain physically and mentally) I wonder what did I do to make people not like me?
I’m a good friend always there for people always helping others, so why it is when I need help and support there is no one around?
I have had more help from strangers than family that are supposed to be there.
When I need help the most the people who should help are not there to help. Is it because there don’t care or can’t cope?
As I lay here thinking what is it about me that no one cares or loves me ( in a way that shows). Am I a horrible person am I unlovable that they don’t care and don’t help.
As I lay here with this dark depression and anxiety about the world (people not caring confirm the world is a horrible place ) thinking it must be me other people have friends and family to help and support them. What is it about me what have I done wrong in life to be here right now feeling like this?
I have thoughts of suicide but I don’t want to die I just don’t want to be here right now feeling like this !!!