How we look at the world

This last week I have been challenged at how I have been looking at the world, as you all know I have been seeing a lot of professionals and talking about my fears and worries.

One of mine was that no one wanted to know me but in fact when I have spoken to people and been honest about my struggles they have been great ( shocked but still great ).

I feel my change in outlook has helped me to feel more positive again. I’m still struggling but am feeling like I’m making progress in the right direction.

Talking to people openly about my struggles with depression and anxiety has helped me and hopefully helped them to have a better understanding.

Help update 

Just to keep you all informed. 

I was seen by the community mental health team today aad I am hopeful getting some help as I’m deemed to be actively suicidal as have many though  about ending my life. I have also been put on new medication. 

I have made a decision that I will battle this and not just lay down and suffer it.

I really hate feeling like this I want to be happy !! 

I want to enjoy things again and live each day not just tick it off as another day done.

Hospital Help

This follows on from my post on suicide. I have been struggling a lot lately.

Yesterday I felt if I was alone I wouldn’t be able to keep myself safe, so as I had been told I got someone to take me to A&E in the hope that I might get some help. I was told it would be a 5 hour wait to speak to someone from the mental health team, they also gave me a number to call if I didn’t want to wait. They didn’t seem intreasted because I hadn’t taken an overdose  ( I went to get help to stop this from happening). I called the number and now have an appointment in just over a week to see the community  mental health team. 

Why is the no help out there. I keep being asked what help i want how am I supposed to know what help i need. I just don’t want to feel this way anymore and I want to start enjoying my life again.

Why is there still no preventive help for mental health issues? 

Why is it left to friends and family to support people suffering ? 

Suicidal or not suicidal

Today I explained out loud how I’m really feeling. This word ‘SUICIDAL’ is a very scary word for anyone to hear.

I have today described that I daily think about not being here, the pain I’m feeling finally finishing. This may scare people but I’m what I would call ‘passively suicidal ‘ this for me means I think about it but don’t have a plan to make it happen. in the past I have come very close to ending it but someone who cares about me spent time talking to me on the phone as I sat with medication laid out in front of me ( for this I am truly thankful.

Don’t worry I have a plan to keep myself safe. Although I hate feeling like I do right now I hope everyone is right in saying ‘this to shall pass’.

How to get well when you have no idea !

I want to be well. I don’t want to be depressed or anxious.

What do you do when ever door you knock on for medical help leaves you nowhere. 

How can we be in a situation where there is no help even when you ask for help.

How can we be left to suffer in silence behind closed doors. 

We have campaigns to promote the awareness of mental health conditions but then there is not help if you need it.